I just wanted to say
by FunkieCookie
Summary: Takuto and Izumi are willing to trade the thing they love most with the Master of Spirits in order to get their hearts' desire. For Izumi, a loving family and for Takuto, his singing voice. But who will pay the price in the end?Ch2 I didn't really mean it
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: I just wanted to say... sorry

* * *

"Takuto… I'm telling you this as a friend. You may not want to admit it yourself, but you need to get help," Wakaoji reminded him for the umpteenth time.

"Damn it, Keiichi! I don't need anyone's help or…ahh" Takuto winced at the pain and grasped his throat hoping to ease the pain. Wakaoji frowned, his facial features showing concern as he waited a few minutes for the pain in Takuto's throat to subside. Takuto continued with a softer voice, "I'm sorry Keiichi, but I can't go on through with that operation. You know my voice is everything to me. I know you want me to live, but how do you expect me to in a world without singing? It's everything to me, my career, my passion… I thought, of all people, you would understand me the most."

"Takuto," Wakaoji sighed. _Why does he have to be so stubborn? He can find another passion if he continues living. Dying won't do any good besides making everyone around him sad._ "I'll leave it at that for now, but if you ever do change your mind… **please** talk to me as soon as possible." Wakaoji, know that it's another futile attempt on his part, turned and made towards the door. I'll see you again tomorrow to check on you throat."

Takuto smiled sadly and nodded. _No matter how many times he asks me, the answer will still be the same. I truly 'live' when I sing and I won't give it up._

* * *

The next morning, Wakaoji woke up early, 4:30 in fact. He didn't know why, but he had a strange feeling all about him. The whole room was cold, even though all the windows were tightly shut. He had made sure of it the previous night. He can't quite put his foot on it, but this eerie feeling…, feels like _death_.

Premonition or not, he decided to go have his check up with Takuto earlier than the time that they planned. He knew that Takuto is a morning person so he should be up by 6:30.

Wakaoji started up his white car and proceeded towards Takuto's apartment. He noticed that there were a lot of clouds in the dark sky and presumed that it will rain soon. Strange, he didn't recall that from the forecast yesterday. He clearly remembered that it was to be sunny today. When he arrived to his front door, no one answered. Wakaoji's face changed to one of confusion. _He has to be home. He has no where to go to in the morning and he assured me that he won't leave the house until I come to check out his throat every morning._

Wakaoji started to get worried and decided to unlock the door using the spare key. Takuto once told him where he hid the spare key but he couldn't quite remember so Wakaoji had to hunt for it. Knowing his friend, he would place it some easy location: _the doormat_. Sure enough, sewn into the doormat was the spare key. Takuto was so predictable_._

Wakaoji opened the door to find it unlit and quiet. He walked into the living room and turned on the lights.

"Takuto," he called.

His eyes scanned the room and found a lot of music sheets strewn all over the hardwood floor. His eyes followed the relative position of the papers and soon focused onto the unconscious Takuto.

"Takuto!" Wakaoji frantically ran to Takuto and shook him. "Wake up Takuto!"

Takuto didn't wake up and was limp in Wakaoji's arms. _Okay, I mustn't panic. He's breathing, but his pulse is weak. And judging from the music papers, he must have sung out loud. Uh… Takuto you idiot! You're putting you life in danger again!_

Wakaoji quickly carried Takuto onto his back to his car to rush him into the hospital. _Hang in there buddy._

* * *

Two days later, Takuto woke up to a lot of white. He looked around at the relatively small room. _Where am I? This looks like… a hospital._ Realization finally hits him. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He eyes grew big for a fraction of a second and then it turned to one of pure anger and hurt. _He…he went on with the operation! How could he? Keiichi, I trusted you to respect my feelings!_

Takuto pulled away all the monitors attached to him and bolted out the room. He used the fire escape stairway so that he could avoid the nurses' questionings. It wouldn't be long until they find him gone.

Takuto caught a taxi and told the man to take him back home to his apartment. When he walked in he dumped himself ungracefully on to the black sofa. He covered his moistening eyes with his arm and tried to sort out all that had happen. The last thing he remembered was that he was practicing sing when his throat had another attack. He must have been unconscious when Keiichi came in and took him to the hospital. _Then he operated on me,_ Takuto thought sadly.

"ARRRRRRRR…..." he tried to scream out in frustration but with no avail. No sound came out. _I need to escape._

* * *

Takuto grabbed his red helmet from the table. Right when he was about to open the door, his eye caught the black permanent marker on the table. He unscrewed the cap and on the light maple kitchen table he wrote the following words:

**Keiichi,**

**You'll be disappointed with my actions but you have let me down as well. Of all the people, I thought you would understand…**

**Keiichi, I owe you a lot and I will repay you in my next life; if I get one.**

**I'll tell Aoi and Hazuki that you said 'hi'.**

**Takuto Kira**

* * *

It was raining hard now and Takuto rode his motorcycle to nowhere in particular. He was driving blindly and the fact that the rain was lashing against his helmet didn't help either. Many things were running inside his mind, like a mini movie theater, replaying all the moments he had with his band member and the joy of singing. _I can't go on anymore._

The dangerous bend in the road was coming and Takuto knew it. Many victims have fallen prey to the bend, oblivious that it was there. But Takuto was different. He knew what was coming and he even intentionally sped up. _My voice is everything to me. "__**Or is it?" **_another voice, definitely not his own, questioned tauntingly. Right at that moment, another flashback swept across his mind. It was still with his Route' L friends but this time, it wasn't focused on singing. It was the moments that they had together having pure fun: going to the movies, arcades, and even chucking food all over the place at his 16th birthday party. _I'm letting them down_, Takuto thought and quickly tried to swerve his motorcycle to avoid the dark abyss below him.

But it was too late. He lost his balance and due to the high speed that he was in a few minutes before, he and his bike slid 10 feet on the dirt ground and plunged into the dark ravine.

* * *

"_**Takuto Kira**_**,**_**" **_**that** same divine voice from before called out.

"Wha? Where am I? Takuto managed to stutter. Was he dead?

"_**You are nowhere right now. Limbo if you will. This is a place where souls like yours come to haggle about their afterlife."**_

Takuto was as confused as ever. _Why is this so complicated? Either I'm dead or I'm not. What is with this "bargaining" deal?_

"_**You have a choice Takuto Kira. You have ended you life with your own free will, but have realized that you have left behind something more invaluable than your reason for dying. I will make a deal with you. Either you become a Shinigami as your punishment, or you can choose to relive the thing you dread the most again. Must I must warn you, if you react the same way again, you will remain as a Shinigami forever."**_

_A second chance at living? I will do anything to live again and say sorry for what I have done to Keiichi._

"_**But of course, there is more to the second deal," the glowing goddess said interrupting his train of thought, "You will also lose the thing you later find to love most. Choose wisely Takuto Kira. After you have made you choice, there is no turning back."**_

* * *

A/N: This storyline is actually one of my favorites. I know it's been a while since I last updated and honestly, I forgot what my original plot was so if you read the original story, you'll notice that it's a bit different. I've changed the wording to make it more cryptic, allowing more possibilities in later chapters. Please read and review with constructive criticisms.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I just wanted to say… I didn't really mean it

* * *

"**_You have a choice Takuto Kira. You have ended you life with your own free will, but have realized that you have left behind something more invaluable than your reason for dying. I will make a deal with you. Either you become a Shinigami as your punishment, or you can choose to relive the thing you dread the most again. Must I must warn you, if you react the same way again, you will remain as a Shinigami forever."_**

_A second chance at living? I will do anything to live again and say sorry for what I have done to Keiichi._

"**_But of course, there is more to the second deal," the glowing goddess said interrupting his train of thought, "You will also lose the thing you later find to love most. Choose wisely Takuto Kira. After you have made you choice, there is no turning back."_**

* * *

"Takuto… Takuto, please wake up…," Wakaoji pleaded quietly.

It's been a week after Takuto's attempted suicide and only now was Takuto finally release from the intensive care unit. Doctors and nurses who took part in Takuto's operation thought that Takuto was a goner, but miraculously, Takuto somehow pulled through.

"Why did you have to do this? Why didn't you have hope? I told you that there was a slight chance that you would regain your voice through therapy… suicide isn't the right way… I'm so, so sorry… that I operated on you… but it was the only way…to keep you alive after the attack…"

Takuto eyes fluttered slowly while he woke up from his coma state.

"No… this can't be…Takuto! This is a miracle!" Wakaoji gasped, unable to believe what he was seeing.

Takuto's eyes fogged up and he silently croaked out, "Keiichi..."

* * *

Five months later, at Kyoto High boarding school, drama was beginning to develop.

"Izumi," a 16 year old girl with pink hair cried, "Oh gosh Izumi, why do you have to walk so fast?"

The said Izumi, a handsome dirty blonde haired guy, just continued to walk even faster, ignoring whatever the persistent girl has to say.

"Izumi, if I don't know you as much as I do, I would say that you are ignoring me," she chided, while quickening her pace as well, trying to match Izumi's long strides.

Suddenly, Izumi stopped causing the girl to crash into him.

"Oomph, hey what was that for Izumi? Why did you stop?"

Izumi snapped his body to face hers and growled with menacing eyes, "Don't you **ever** say you know me, understand? You know **nothing** about me. No one does and no one ever will. Do you want to know about my past Meroko? I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you."

Meroko gasped at Izumi's threat and tears started to fall unceasingly.

"Why…why are you always so…so mean to m…me…" she hiccupped, "I j… just wanted to know if y…you would go to the Sadie's dance with m…me."

By now half of the school had circled around them to see the exciting drama that happened about once every month or so.

"I HATE YOU, you JERK!" Meroko yelled, all in one breath and ran back to her dorm at full speed.

Right when Meroko said that, Izumi felt a twist in his heart and his eyes changed to one of sympathy,

"Meroko, I…" he started, but she was already gone. The crowded around them murmured amongst themselves excitedly before they finally dissipated.

Izumi and Meroko were always in the center of attention and were also considered the hottest couple in Kyoto High; that is, if you consider them to be a couple in the first place.

The truth is, everyone at the school believes that Izumi and Meroko were made for each other. They both lived in a grand mansion, have the looks that everyone envies, are the only child of the family, the sole heirs to their parents' fortunes …the list goes on and on. But for some unknown reason, Izumi pushes Meroko away, even though it is obvious that he loves her back. He would always mope around for a long time after fighting. That's probably the only time when he shows his inner self- the true Izumi underneath his frigid cold exterior.

In fact, people rumored about that Izumi must've had a life changing experience after the events that happened four years ago…

When referring to the "old" Izumi, people would recall a totally different person than the Izumi today. The Izumi four years ago was outgoing, a player, and was part of the "crowd". However, the Izumi now is cold, cruel, and without many friends, but no one ever knew the reason for it and they have no intentions to be the ones caught for starting these rumors.

* * *

Meroko was still sobbing when she violently threw open the front door to the lobby of her residence hall. Good thing her dorm was on the ground floor. _That'll save me some face…I don't want anymore people to see me crying… again…_

She ran to number 805, her dorm room number- the 5th room in tower 8- and immediately sobbed,

"MITSUKI," and threw herself into Mitsuki's arms. The brown haired girl on sitting on a baby blue chair got startled and dropped the book that she was reading. She sighed, "Aww, Meroko, don't cry… is it Izumi again? You can tell me. You'll feel a lot better afterwards."

Meroko poured her heart out on the events that happened with just five minutes real life, but took her one whole hour to retell. When she got to the part where Izumi threatened at her, Meroko's tears rushed out from her eyes again.

"You're so lucky Mitsuki, Takuto is always nice to you. He would never yell at you." Meroko sniffed.

"Aww Meroko, don't say that. I'm sure Izumi has his own good qualities too; you just haven't realize them yet, that's all. I think that's even better in a relationship sometimes. You'll always find something new in that person."

Meroko's tears had died down now, "Speaking of Takuto, he's coming back today right? From the hospital?"

"Yes, I haven't seen him for 5 months now, since his um… "accident"," Mitsuki shivered at the thought that her boyfriend would do something so extreme. The two haven't seen each other in 5 months because Takuto would not allow Mitsuki to come visit him during his stay at the hospital and also during therapy. He refused to let Mitsuki see him in that state.

"Ok, I have to collect myself. I'm not going to let one little fight stop me from loving him," Meroko stated confidently, "let's go wait for Takuto Mitsuki. He should be back within this hour or so."

"Sure, let me change first ok?" Mitsuki replied, getting up.

"Ok, I have to do some touch ups myself, take your time."

* * *

Buzz-Buzz, Izumi's black, sleek, Razor vibrated in his pocket. After checking the screen, he greeted,

"Yo, Takuto. Where are you? Hm… I see voice is getting better."

"You mean you **hear** my voice getting better," Takuto chided, "I'm in a taxi right now, almost at the front entrance. How was school:sigh:, I feel so bad now for missing the first day of senior year with you guys."

"You should be. I'm making my way down now, and next time, think twice before you kill yourself. Do you want Mitsuki to be left all alone? She has barely anyone close right now besides us, after her Grandmother's death and all. Good thing she still has Ooshige and her good singing career. I don't even **want** to think of what would happen if she lost anyone of them."

Takuto had an involuntary shudder, remember what the yellow, glowing figure had said, "All right, I'll consider about it more carefully next time…"

"No way dude! You **want** a next time? If you even consider it, I'll break your neck right now to get it over with." Izumi snapped.

"Right, right. Sorry, poor choice of words. So, how's everything going with Meroko?" Takuto asked.

Izumi paused for a moment and said guiltily, "We got into a fight and I yelled at her."

"Again? Just give in Izumi, we all know that you love her, deep down inside."

"And I'm not afraid to admit it," Izumi cut in, "But, I don't know if you believe this or not… it may sound too far fetched, and I've never told anyone this before…"

"Try me," Takuto said, "I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything and everything that you want to."

"Ok, lets go to a Café first though. Tell the taxi to stop at the entrance. I'm like one minute away."

"Ok, later then."

"Later."

* * *

"Where is Takuto?" Meroko cried, tapping her feet impatiently, "We've waited for five minutes already!"

"Meroko, its only five minutes! I guess I'll call him." Mitsuki said gently and took out her cell phone. She pressed 1 on her speed dial and waited.

"Hey, this is Takuto. I'm can't take your call right now. Please leave a message after beep and I'll get back to you shortly."

"He has it turned off Meroko." Mitsuki said sadly. "Oh wait, it looks like I voice message."

She opened the text and it said:

_"Mitsuki, uou're probably waiting for me at the front right now right? I'm sorry, but I'm with Izumi right now. He needs someone to talk with. All see you later alright? Just in case you're wondering, I'm alright."_

Meroko looked over head and said, "Hm… I wonder what that heartless Izumi want to talk about."

Mitsuki shrugged, "Don't know, but it must have been important. Let's go back and wait for them there."

* * *

The taxi ride to the CyberCafé was eerie and quiet. When they got into the Café, they both ordered a coffee and sat down facing each other at a window seat.

After a long sip from his coffee, Izumi looked up and said, "So Takuto, would you believe me if I said everything that I have in my life right now is traded?"

Takuto looked up quickly at his friend as if he was some stranger that he is meeting for the very first time.

"Well do you? I suspect that the same thing happened to you." Izumi asked again, this time more urgently.

Takuto ran the question over in his mind. "Yes. I think I know what you are talking about now. I should be dead right now."

"So you made a trade too then." Izumi stated simply and stared into his cup of black coffee. After another long pause, "Well, here is my story."

"Back when I was a child, I was abused by my ignorant mother who was always waiting; waiting for a man who she called my father. My so-called- father left us when I was two so I don't have any memories of him. After he left, my mother got more and more negligent of me. She barely looked at me because she said I looked more and more like him with every passing day. And the times she did look at me, she was drunk, and very angry. She would beat me to a bloody pulp. Sometimes I just wish that she would make that final blow. But she never does. She leaves me hanging, on the last thread to my frayed up life-line. The cycle went over and over again but she never killed me. She would let me recover so she can have the satisfaction of beating me; trashing the only thing left that reminds her of my disowning father." Izumi took a sip of his coffee,

"She doesn't understand why that man left us. She was the riches daughter in at area and yet, he left her for some poor city girl," Izumi chuckled, "People can never see their own faults can they?"

"When I was 13 I couldn't take it any more and went to the cross walk when an oncoming train was coming. She was there. She was smiling when I got hit. All I ever wanted was for her to call my name; to tell me that she was sorry and that she does love me. I didn't get that. All I got was a damn smirk, enough to turn anyone's heart to steel."

"You survived with a train hitting you?" Takuto asked incredulously.

"Yeah, the police later said that it was because I was standing at a certain angle and the train wasn't at full speed, some bull like that. They said that conductor slowed up in time," Izumi shrugged as if it was a trivial subject to him, "I knew better though. It was HER. I traded "the thing that I hold most dearly" for a family. You know my parents that you saw last time you went to my house? They have artificial memories implanted in them to a certain degree. They don't deny that the negligence that happened and train accident, but they don't mention it at all to anyone. Their attitudes also had a 180 degrees change too."

"I see. Wait, tell me one more thing Izumi. She said something like that to me too. What does that mean exactly?" Takuto asked worriedly.

Izumi shrugged and shook his head, "It's hard to say since it varies between people I think. But now that I know that you traded that with HER, I would advise you to leave Mitsuki, as fast as possible."

Takuto's eyes grew wide, "But… why?"

* * *

A/N: Please press the green button and Review with constructive criticisms!


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